This is probably going to come out as a ramble. But hey, that's what I do sometimes...
BOY#2 was invited to a fellow school kids birthday. Do you notice I did NOT say 'classmate'. Keep that in mind.
It is for sometime this week. At Happy Joe's. I have NO clue who these parents are. I don't really even know which kid it is. I am sure if Noah was to point him out I would know. But that is the extent of it.
Noah does NOT talk about this kid. Why?!? Because they are not buddies. If they were buddies I would know the kid well AND I would "know" or heck even be able to identify his parents. They are NOT even in the same class! The same grade? Yes, but different classroom all together.
Here comes my annoyed self.
When in the heck did it become the thing to do to invite EVERYONE in God's creation to a birthday party?? When did it become acceptable to invite them to birthday parties at the Y, or Happy Joe's or Discovery Depot??? When YOU have NO clue really who I am or WHO MY KID IS!! Why do you people think I want to take my baby to a birthday party in some public place and sit there with YOU who I have NO freaking clue who any of you or your family is??? Or...HEAVEN FORBID *GASP* when the invitation says "You are welcome to stay or just drop him off!" YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME! Seriously People!!!
Now, let me get something clear. If my child and your child are TRUE friends. Then by gosh, If we are not friends then I would know 'of' you at least. Or I have atleast spoken with you this late in the school year. I may feel comfortable taking him and waiting around for it to be over. THAT is truly fine. BUT don't just invite 30-40 kids to this 4, 5, or 6 year olds birthday party. THAT IS JUST NUTS!!
Whatever happened to inviting your family AND your/your childs friends that truly, whole heartedly LOVE you AND your family??? Huh?!?! When did that ever become not enough??
I can fully understand inviting older kids to a bowling party, or the Y, or a sleep-over. (Not that I would let them go to a sleep-over to just anyone's house, same rules apply! I HAVE TO KNOW YOU!!)Because they truly want that interaction with their friends. Because they are old enough to know WHO they want to invite to their birthday parties. They are NOT just picking people out of the blue. They are not inviting a number. They ARE inviting true friends. They ARE inviting people they truly want to spend time with.
This has been weighing on me EVER since this 'invitation' was sent home. Just know...it is very hard for me to know he has been invited and he knows he has been invited and I have to yet again explain to him that we only celebrate others birthday's who we love or we truly have a connection to, we don't go to EVERY birthday party we are invited to because THAT is just meaningless. Yes, to all of you who are wondering, I have extreme guilt when he is invited to a birthday party and I, me, his protector, his teacher, his Mom decides the fate of that particular invite.
Ugghhh. I probably sound selfish. And stupid. BUT. These are my thoughts.
I just tell myself...my children are NOT a number. I do not want them treated as such and in turn I will not treat others as one either.
First, I feel the exact same way as your last paragraph.
ReplyDeleteI pretty much agree with your entire post. Gavyn got an invitation to a classmate's birthday party 2.5 weeks into school. Kindergarten! I had no idea who the child was. Gavyn couldn't point her out. I still have no clue who her parents are. I couldn't believe it. Needless to say, he did not attend. I did feel a little guilty because he knew about the party.
I was torn on what to do for my twins' birthday in December. I wanted them to have a party with friends because it is what they wanted. I thought about letting them invite their preschool friends, but I vetoed that idea right away because I didn't want to entertain a bunch of parents I didn't know (and I wasn't going to entertain a bunch of 3-4 year olds without other adults!). I let them each invite one friend from school and a couple little girls from church. It was much less stress on me knowing the families that were coming.
Sorry for my rambling. I guess I just wanted you to know you are definitely not alone in the way you feel about this.
I know when Martin was in school (yeah, it was that long ago!), certain teachers began to develop classroom policies about party invitations -- if you aren't inviting the whole class, don't hand out party invitations in the classroom. Okay, fine! So, we found a way around that that didn't involve inviting the whole classroom. Other parents, however, DID succumb to inviting the whole classroom.
ReplyDeleteNow having said that, I have another scenario to ponder. When I was at Talent Coffee House, I met a girl who knows Kathryn & Mady. She said she didn't have any classes with them, but "they're always both so nice to me!" she said enthusiastically. What if the school chum is someone Noah has been nice to in a sea of classmates who are ... not so nice? Maybe his mom could clarify for you whether this is a small party or a big party and possibly how her son knows Noah?
I have always liked being the monkey wrench in the works. :)
Wow, Steph....tell us how you REALLY feel ; ) Ok, just teasing. I totally agree. There are many many MANY parties my kids don't go to. I've never wanted to invite the whole class or classes, that is crazy. It's enough just inviting their close/regular friends.
ReplyDeleteI agree with your post, but sometimes look at things a little differently. I think, maybe this mom is trying to connect with the kids in the grade level. It is really nice to have "adult" friends in the same grade level as your kid...It really comes in handy sometimes. And then I agree with little pieces of everyone elce...as it was prob mandatory that all the kids got an invitation and maybe this mom is unknown to the modern social networking world so she didn't know any other way to send it...but then again maybe she is greedy and want's her kid to have tons of gifts.
ReplyDeleteThen what if your little one was once nice to this particular child and he always remembered him, and wanted him there. Something hard to know for sure.
All I know is, we got the same sort of thing, and I just told them that I was only going to allow certain birthday parties throughout the year so they needed to decide who's they would want to go to...as we could have never afforded all the parties we were invited to..and, surprisingly, the kids always made some great decisions.